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Attitude, Assertiveness & Failure Patterns in Thinking

1. Your Attitude Determines Your Altitude At Work And Life

The “LOCUS OF CONTROL” is within oneself and it is important to understand what can be controlled and what cannot be controlled and has to be accepted. An attitude is any belief or opinion that has an evaluative component. A belief that something is good or bad, moral or immoral, likable or unlikeable, attractive or repulsive. Attitudes express a positive or negative emotion towards a particular object, person, event, or idea.

1.1 What Is The Role Of Attitude?
  • Utilitarian function- Gained by direct experience directs one’s behavior away from or towards the object of one’s attitude.
  • Defensive function- Can serve to allay one’s anxiety or boost one’s self-esteem.
  • Social adjustive function – one can remake one’s attitude for impression management.
  • Value expressive function – some attitudes express deeply felt values that help define the self and make life meaningful.

You can go through life with an attitude problem, or you can go through life with ATTITUDE! The choice is yours.

2. Failure Patterns of Thinking

2.1  Until Pattern: A tendency to put things off UNTIL some time or event has passed. Most often manifested as a delaying pleasurable activity until all work is finished or delaying work projects until every element is in place. Or using some goal as an excuse for the current action step eg I will do this after my child grows up.

2.2  Always Pattern: A belief that no matter what I do things are ALWAYS the same. Often combined with a tendency to feel trapped or cornered. No matter what I do things turn out the same.

2.3  Almost Pattern#1: A tendency to ALMOST finish a project or task, only to falter at the end by failing to complete it or make some mistake that sabotages or blemishes the results.

2.4  Almost Pattern #2: Professionally – a tendency to set a goal, accomplish it, and look for the next challenge instead of enjoying the success.

Personally – an experience of having attained everything desired in one’s personal life, yet feeling “ Is that all there is?

2.5  Never Pattern: You can NEVER seem to get started in any specific direction, or you might make a number of false starts only to give up on all of them.

2.6  After Pattern: An underlying belief that things may be working out now, but eventually everything will fall apart. You feel that no matter what you do now to feel good or succeed, AFTER some time or even passing everything will go down the drain.

2.7  Unless and Until pattern: A pattern of not starting to move forward UNLESS a particular event transpired and continuing to procrastinate UNTIL everything is perfect and all in place. This combination virtually assures a stalemate in your career or personal development

How do you overcome failure patterns of thinking?

  • Stay with your strengths and remain positive.
  • Move forward steadily but in small steps.
  • Evaluate your strengths and weaknesses and learn to expand your strengths and use them to overcome your weaknesses.

3. Assertiveness Versus Aggressiveness

Assertiveness is respectfully claiming your rights.
Aggression is destructively seeking what you want.
Assertiveness is not being afraid to say “No” but the ability to know how to say “No” without creating a cloud of confusion.
Are you a person who thinks the meek shall inherit the earth?
Or are you the type of person in front of whom people cower with fear?
The happy medium between these two is called assertiveness. It is a manner of behaving that communicates respect for others as well as commands respect for yourself.
It is an approach to dealing with people around you. It stems from being at ease with yourself and who you are and understanding and showing respect. It means expressing and communicating your feelings accurately, asking for the things you want, and creating the opportunity to have your needs met and getting the respect of others.

3.1 Attitude One- Assertive:
  • Assertive people are concerned with both their needs as well as those of others.
  • They are openly able to express themselves with people.
  • When there is a disagreement, they are able to respond in a respectful manner.
  • They are able to ask for help.
  • They are confident and able to make decisions.
  • They are able to say “NO” to people/places/things they do not want.
  • They are responsible for their own thoughts/feelings/behavior and take responsibility for them.
3.2 Attitude Two- Passive:
  • Such people tend to give in to other people’s wishes while forgetting their own needs and wants.
  • Such people have a difficult time saying “No” to others.
  • They often have a hard time making decisions, and avoid confrontation at all costs (eg not speaking up when the waiter brings you the wrong order)
3.3 Attitude Three-Aggressiveness
  • These people tend to be concerned only for their needs at the expense of others’ needs.
  • They have a tendency to lose their temper.
  • They make decisions for other people.
  • They may shout or use bully techniques to get their way. They may continue to argue long after someone has had enough.
  • When angry they may call others names or even use offending language.
  • They may openly criticize or find fault with others ideas, opinions, or behaviors.
  • They mainly use confrontation to get what they want.
3.4 The DESC Script Of Sharon & Gordon Bower – 4 Steps To Be  More Assertive
  • Describe the behavior/situation as completely and objectively as possible. Just the facts!
  • Express your feelings and thoughts about the situation/behavior. Try to phrase your statements using “I ” and not “You”.
  • Beginning sentences with “You” often puts people on the defensive, which means they won’t listen to you.
  • Specify what behavior/outcome you would prefer to happen.
  • Consequences – specify the consequences ( both positive and negative)
3.5 How To Say “NO” & Mean It To A Family Member Or A Friend
  • Repeat their request “ I would love to do this with you”
  • Explain your reason for saying No “ I have a lot of work to do and a deadline to meet ”
  • Then say No “ I am sorry but I will have to say “N0”
  • If necessary, suggest an alternative that is acceptable to the two of you. “I would love to do this next week, how about Wednesday ?”
  • This is extremely important especially with those close to you, child, spouse, parent, partner, etc You are letting them know there are other options of time and opportunity even though it is no at this time.
3.6 Saying “NO” To A Person That You Do Not Want To Be Friends With OrWho Seems Unsafe
  • Simply saying “No” or “No thank you” is all that is needed
  • You may need to repeat “No” again
  • With these individuals, you may not want to engage in any further conversation where you feel pressured to concede to their wishes.
  • Pay attention to your nonverbal behavior. Use good eye contact, stand tall, shoulders back, etc. If you are slumped over you cannot adequately convey the message.
3.7 Useful Definitions Relating To Attitude
  • Compromise is when you give up something you wanted in order to be able to continue with a relationship, project, or plan.
  • Conflict is a clash of opinion. Conflicts are a normal part of life and are bound to happen between friends, family, colleagues, students, and tutors, or in any other human relationship.
  • Respect means regarding other people as equal to yourself in terms of their opinions, beliefs, and human and social rights. Even when their beliefs are very different from your own, you can still respect their right to hold those beliefs.
  • A Dispute is a kind of argument between individuals or parties. Disputes are normally focused on a specific issue. Disputes usually halt smooth relations until they are settled or some compromise is found.
  • An Apology communicates regret for an action you may have taken that has upset someone. You can be sorry you took the action, or sorry that the other person was upset.
  • Provocation means being led into a negative state eg anger, distress, or frustration, but someone’s a deliberate action. Verbal behavior is sometimes blamed on provocation by another.

The language you use is crucial in displaying your attitude.
An assertive attitude is more likely to give a positive result to conflict than an aggressive one.

“Excellence can be attained if you
Care more than others think is wise,
Risk more than others think is safe,
Dream more than others think is practical and
Expect more than others think is possible ”
-By: Author Unknown

4.
My Final Thoughts

Remember That YOU Are In Charge Of Your Destiny.

  • Self-management is the vehicle you need to take with you from wherever you are to wherever you want to go.
  • You are not a passive passenger. You are not an idle dreamer
  • You are not subject to the whims and fancies of fate and circumstance.

YOU ARE IN CHARGE. YOU DETERMINE YOUR OWN COURSE OF ACTION. YOU DECIDE WHERE YOU WANT TO BE AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.

  • So you have to first prepare yourself, and second, go out to get the life you want that most satisfies you and allows you to use yourself to the best advantage.
  • Everyone, anyone can learn to be their best self and contribute to themselves and the world around them.

Hope you enjoyed this article as much as I did in culminating this, if you’re really interested in many more such interesting tips and tricks, Sign Up for our newsletter for a monthly dose of positiveness, the right attitude, and the right actions. SIGN-UP Now.

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